Okay.

My brother moved away today.

He's a year younger than me.

Something's very wrong here.



Anyway, before I can tell you that story, I gotta tell you this one:

My parents are divorced.

Shocking, I know.

Technically, I should say, they randomly married, even though both were fully aware that they didn't love each other. Their excuse for this obviously stupid action is that it was getting too late-they were getting too old.

Anyway, that obviously ended in disaster. Because, you know. People who marry should probably love each other. Kinda part of the deal.

I was about six, my brother five. We don't remember it too much, and probably wouldn't have suffered too much either.

Except Mom was rather distraught. It's complicated. There were some financial things.

My dad's second wife (the trophy wife) was a total bitch who hated our family, and sort of cut off the flow of precious precious child support (how is this legal? I dunno.)

So Mom worked. Hard. She put us in daycare. NEVER PUT YOUR CHILD IN DAYCARE. Trust me on this, your kids will love you all the more for it. When she came back, she was stressed. She denied herself relationships in order to take care of us. We'll get back to this in a minute.

Anyway, Dad only married his trophy wife for like, a year, for the next stupidest reason to marry ever- they had a illegitimate child, my half-sister. Thanks Dad. Thanks a lot.

DIVORCE'D. For no obvious reason, other than that bitch was a gold-digging whore (and I don't ever use that terminology unless it's absolutely relevant). We watched her go through several marriages. She benefited from each. A house from one. A car from another. A pool with another.

All this time, Nate (my bro) and I took weekends at Dad's.

Once Dad finished up Wife #2, he decided to get with Wife #3, the one with the evil children (you ever meet a parent who uses ADD as an excuse to not actually raise their child? Yeah.) She had also been through marriage twice. Great.

I went to their wedding. It ruined my perception of marriage and love forever. After all, all of those vows they were saying- they had said two times before. LIES.

So, through this all, my mom gets stressed, she denied herself any form of pleasure and happiness (even when we as children tried to help), and gradually took to taking it out on me and most of all, my brother.

Granted, my brother is a stubbborn fella. He gets what he wants. He's wilder than I, always out with his friends.

But over the years this escalated, until I was waking and falling asleep to their arguing. Greatness.

Nathan and I have a good relationship, though. He's the only one IRL who knows about my fetish (and makes fun of me for it all the time XD), and whom I feel comfortable talking to about real, deep stuff. No one else I know seems to really care. In fact, I have no one I really call BFF, except for him.

I have tons of friends, yes. Good friends. But none of them actually cares about what goes on behind the talent here- either that, or I'm so afraid of losing them that I don't feel comfortable talking about my deep, personal things with them. After all, literally, everyone I've ever connected with (in real life, of course), has either distanced themselves emotionally (i.e., became a different person between grades, etc.) or moved away. I've never had security with any relationship.

That's not to say I'm trying to be selfish here. I'd like to think I'm a reasonably open, caring person. In fact, I'm often a dumping ground for people's problems. I'm a good listener. But when it's my turn to talk about me, everyone clears out.

Nathan is just one more. He's been there my entire life- possibly the one thing I can count on- and he's moving away for the sole purpose of getting away from my mom.

So yeah. I'm a little distressed.

I'm sorry if you read all this- I just need to tell someone. I have no one to tell, you understand. If you did read it, I'm grateful.



Really, I guess I need to say- I need someone to talk to now. That's all. Pathetic, I know.

Seriously, though: note me for my AIM. Or just plain note me.

Only if you're up for the job, though, understand? I don't want to upset anyone, here. At least, I'm not tryin' to. : (

BTW, as we're on the subject, I'd be willing to listen to anyone who needs it, when you do. I'm always here, understand. ;

I think something about the anonymity of the internet can make this easier. It's what I need right now, I think.